The reason I used this title is because I feel a shift in me spiritually, and I know with change comes opinions… What I find is some people hate to see when others elevate beyond their expectation of them. Whether that be mentally, spiritually or generally. But why? The minute you refuse to live beyond their standards, they start to say things like… “She thinks she’s better than everyone else” or in (patwa slang), “She gwan like her shit don’t stink” lol. Now it might seem like I’m ranting but this is real life. This is MY LIFE!
Here’s the back story… I used to hang out with a few family members a little over a year or so ago. We was cool. We would rave together, have games night with our children, any little thing we would turn it into a party. (We Jamaican). But then things started to change within the group. You know within a group of two or more people there is always that one person who thinks they know everything and tries to tell people how to live their life, even though their own life ain’t all together. The cracks in our relationship started to show for those reasons as she wanted me to do things HER way. Anyone that knows me well knows I don’t like being told certain things, (I can’t hide my facial expression) like how to live my life, who, what, where etc. This person had an opinion on everything, and I mean everything. Let me continue…
I found that another one in the group started sounding exactly like her. If she said jump, the other one would say ‘How high?’. At this point I started drifting from the group. I then noticed an awkwardness whenever I was around. The topic of conversation when they were together changed. For example, an incident occurred which basically led to me getting annoyed and I abruptly left. After that, I felt an energy which led to me feeling like I didn’t want to be around them anymore. Don’t get me wrong once upon a time I wouldn’t mind being in the mix and giving it to them, but that wasn’t me anymore. I didn’t want to be apart of that lifestyle. It seems that if you are not in the mix up, then they was gonna create some. They were trying to draw me out by bringing up things from my past, through subliminal and indirect status’.
Now this is how I knew I had grown, I didn’t react! All the hard work I am putting in to change and becoming a better person wasn’t going to get disrupted by small-minded people, who refuse to see past raving and outfits. Lets not forget the “He said, she said” talk. Listen, I’m trying to be around people I can learn from, grow and build with. I’m also not trying to teach my children that this kind of behaviour is acceptable. I remember growing up listening to this same foolishness (the gossiping) from the older generation. Nope! I seek change! Point, blank period! The environment I grew up in, was not for me anymore. I refuse to let anyone bring me back there, after all they ain’t paying my bills…
Now, I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else… But, I do question why would the people you love not want to see you elevate yourself? They know where and what it has taken for me to get to this point. I was born in Jamaica and coming to live in the UK was a blessing. Growing up I had all sorts thrown at me, a lot of generational curses as some would say. For a while I started believing that this was my life. I had plenty of wake up calls, I ran away from home, had an ex-boyfriend knocking me about, I got called every name under the sun, but still in the back of my mind I knew I didn’t want to be who I was being told I am! I knew I didn’t want to end up in the same predicament as the people I was around and what I had witnessed. Therefore, me wanting change should not have been an issue. Even to this day myself and the group still don’t speak, and I’m ok with that. I am however grateful for the old friends that have embraced the change in me!
For the ones I have yet to meet, weh you deh? The moral is, it’s ok to change your environment, especially when you want change. If that means you not rocking with some family or friends, there are reasons for that. Count them as blessings, lets all elevate and motivate one another. You do not have to be who/what others say you are or even think you are!
Quote from my daughter
I use to try and get attention, and I use to copy other people who were getting attention, but they were being naughty, and then I realised that I was getting the wrong attention, so I started being myself.
Kaliyah (Age: 9)
Peace and Love