The word distance means different things to different people. Some may see it as a way to keep their emotions close to their chest, others may see it as a blessing. My own experience with distance is for self-development. I have been very transparent in all my previous blogs so this one will not be any different. A while back I went through a traumatic breakdown caused by work stress, debt, single-parenting, family conflict etc. I felt as though I couldn’t catch a break. If it wasn’t one thing it would be another. I kept this breakdown quiet with only a handful of people around me knowing. Reason for this was simply – I saw this as WEAK! Although I have a good circle of people around me, my thoughts was how much I didn’t want to burden them with all ‘My’ issues. The only thing I felt I could do was to distance myself. To be honest, I was very toxic to be around (Lord knows that was hard to say)… But I knew I needed to do this for myself.
During that time I didn’t speak much to my family and friends. I just didn’t want to have to explain my situation, as I saw it as embarrassing. Plus, I feel as though I would have been unbearable to be around. Feeling so frustrated by my situation, it would have been projected on to my family and friends. Now my girls know I can be moody at times, but this was some different energy that took over. Some might say, “Well if they are such good friends etc why would you not say anything.” Truth be told, when you are going through some ish, it can be very hard to open up or even ask for help. Even my message response was slow or not at all. I wouldn’t accepts invitations for anything… I didn’t put any effort into my relationships. This was me ‘ghosting’ as some would say. I just wanted to sort things out by myself. Get myself back on track. No distractions! I had hope in my heart that once I had progressed in my self-development, they would understand why this was so important that I took such drastic measures.
What I also did in terms of self-development was face my situation head on… I bit the bullet and reached out to a good friend who has experienced more than some could even imagine. She sat and listened, even opened up sharing her own vulnerabilities. She wasn’t scared to have a serious conversation and reason with me when all was said, she also had solutions… She helped me realise that my situation is temporary and I would gain lessons from it. I learnt how to prioritise my life, as in creating a list of what needed sorting out first, most important to the least. Before, I would try to fix everything at once which is impossible and can be overwhelming. During that time, we laughed, I cried but when I left I felt so much better… I began to look at my situation from a whole different perspective. The work began… I dropped my ego and made the necessary changes to get myself back in control of my finances, de-clutter my home, spoke to my boss regarding the the pressure I was under and so on. Once I had felt more like myself, contacting my friends was next. We got together at the park, embraced each other with hugs and smiles. Life was beginning to resume again…
Now it wasn’t all smooth sailing, my friends and family were concerned and asked: “What has been happening and why haven’t you been in touch?” – It was time to open up and explain, I owed them that. When explaining I started to cry, not because I was sad but because I felt guilty for thinking I was a burden and also not acknowledging their ability to support me in my time of need. The expression on their face was WTF! One of their response was, “You didn’t respond to my text, I thought that was rude especially when you didn’t come to my party.” Word of advice if you are ever in this situation, the best thing to say is: “I felt like you don’t respect me, when you ignore my text”. Accusation may make them more distant. Be frank, not cruel. Since distance may be driven by depression and anxiety, avoiding harsh criticism is best. Many people don’t recognise their own distant behaviour, and a heads-up might do them a favour.
The support however, I couldn’t have dreamt of this type of support. The awkwardness was wearing off. I was even complimented on the way I spoke and how much of a difference they can see in me already! So you see, sometimes you have to take the time out for yourself in order to grow and learn. No harm in putting YOURSELF first and if the people you rock with disappear, they were never for you in the first place! Moving on… We enjoyed a great day laughing, drinking and celebrating life. It suddenly felt as though we had seen each other just yesterday. While catching up with everyone I could see the growth in each and every one of us. I had taken charge of my life and I am now willing to accept the support of my nearest and dearest. I see myself now as more open (hence blogging). I have learnt that it’s ok to distance myself, but I should show respect to the ones that care about me and my well-being. By simply saying: ‘I just need some time by myself to figure some things out’.
– Be thankful
–Take time out for yourself
– Never ignore a problem, because with problems comes solutions
– Try NOT to overthink
– Never bottle up your emotions
– Write down your personal goals
– Be accountable
– Learn from other people
– Re-assess your habits
– Eliminate distractions
Wishing you all the best on your self-development journey! x