If you are reading this out loud, say this with me ‘Access Denied’, You heard. Blocked, shut off, barred… Whatever you wanna call it. Mi done! LOL
“I AM FREE”
You might be thinking, ‘What on earth is this lady talking about’. Are you ready?… If you have read or glimpse my blogs “It’s ok to be vulnerable” or “Love vs Convenience”, you would have read about my on/off relationship I had with my son’s father. If you haven’t read it then I’ll give you a little back-story. Myself and my son’s father had been in a rollercoaster relationship for over five years. It was difficult being with someone who did not see my worth or commit to his responsibilities as a partner and father. He spent his time dipping in and out of our lives even prior to me having our son. He would come and go when he sees fit and because I did not lash out due to my insecurities, that allowed him to have an easy lifestyle in which he then became accustomed to. He would disappear and come back and always had an excuse for his disappearing act. Me being the fool I was then, I gave him access to me after hearing his apology. He maintains financial support however physically he is non-existent. Fast forward to now I have come to my senses with a lot of guidance from ‘The Universe’ and I am happy to shout “I am free“. I have taken control over my life and killed my fear of loneliness and desperation. No sweet nothings or sorry can change my mind. “I will never have anyone control me, manipulate me, disappear and come back when they think it is convenient and expect to still have access to me!”
Ladies and gents, signs are real – You hear me? I have been seeking change and I am making progress with that change, but there was this one thing I held on to that I knew full well was a blockage. Yet I refused to let it (him) go. Now bare in mind I am receiving what I have been asking the universe for and I have full faith in working hard in order to be align with what is meant for me. But that tie (sex/lust) is an energy that can really take hold of you. My close friends speak about energy all the time, but in general some are scared to be open about the meaning behind energy as it may seem too spiritual. Everyone emits an invisible energy vibrating in different levels, now I am no expert but what I have learnt is: No matter what a person may say, how they appear or what they do, their vibrational energy reveals their true self and with that revelation comes my reality. “There will always be signs directing you to what God and the universe has in store for you.” –
*Memes – you may have seen over and over again on different platforms
Never ignore these signs whatever it may be, because signs are symbols that relates to change and alignment. If that is what you are seeking… whether it be with romantic relationship, family, job or friendship you will always see signs around your situation and there is always a way forward.
With my new found confidence, I have deleted that thread of WhatsApp messages, text and pictures – blocked him from all social media access. Readers – Have you ever noticed when your ex sees you doing good in form of a status update or pictures you upload then they try to hit you up with a comment or emoji? – As a tactic to sneak their way back into your life. That is just how it is. ‘You ever realise how as soon as you move on they always want to come back?’ – But guess what, “If you can’t see what I am doing or read about about my feelings you haven’t got a chance”. Some might be thinking ‘hold on what about his son?’ Let me be clear NEVER and I mean NEVER will I be that bitter “Baby Mother” I hate that term but it is what it is. Well the answer to that is: “I am prepared, I am denying him access to myself and my growth not our child”. We are big people at the end of the day and I have reached another level of my awakening, which makes me just that more wiser than I was before. A lot of people forget how to pick up a phone these days, so it is back to good old fashion dial and ring. LOL!
Piece of mind
I no longer worry about what he is doing and who he is with. I no longer care about his excuses or fear the feeling of embarrassment or let down by unanswered phone calls and text. My spiritual growth means I no longer desire his touch or any form of intimacy, “I call that closure”… Yes! that felt good to say. I no longer have that relationship or shall I say situationship burden on my shoulder. Best of all he no longer takes away my energy! To quote @StephenSpeaks “Don’t waste your time dating someone who doesn’t want what you want”.
Reminding myself that, “There is no test without testimony” – This is my final chapter on this matter. I am grateful for the lessons, I am blessed to finally receive my 2020 vision of awakening.
Now if you would like to know what has happened since, best believe I am glowing differently and I continue to work on me daily! As for him – He is someone else’s problem! We haven’t spoken for some weeks but I have received that direct debit. It is sad when a man doesn’t step up and do what is right by the family he helped to create. From what I have seen growing up with male relatives and even my own father, some men struggle to be a hands on parent especially if they themselves didn’t receive the love and attention. Also having multiple children in different household I can’t even imagine the mindfuck that must have on them. But guess what, ‘You made your bed and all that jazz!’ What I will take away from this is: I will educate myself more about these statistics and pray that he doesn’t use the fact he has no access to me as an excuse to not see or spend time with his son.
A man’s responsibility
Losing my mum – she passed away age twenty nine, I was nine and my sister age eleven. My dad had no choice but to take some responsibility for us. Looking back at how my dad was before my mum passed to be honest, my situation is very similar to what my mum had gone through. She raised us as a single mother. I know that my situation is nothing new, generations have gone through this time and time again… But what I have realised is that some of us women put up with men doing as they please just to show face or create that image of happy family. We don’t speak up and it’s a shame we have to speak up and in a sense force them take responsibility e.g. spending time with their children or reminding them that the children need clothes and shoes. We talk about breaking cycles all the time, but why do some men choose to not work as hard as the women to break that cycle of being an absent father? (That’s a whole other blog). Why give up trying to make a change… I can’t understand. It appears to be so easy for them to get up and go. I am speaking from my own experience and those around me, us women have no choice but to take responsibility and love and do for our children.
Ladies if you are battling with these cycles and feeling as though you can’t do anymore. Trust me “YOU CAN, DON’T GIVE UP”! You are loved and remember your children are watching and learning from you. “BREAK THE CYCLE”.
Message for the week: Focus on what You have started, be so dedicated to your growth that nothing or no one will get in your way. Don’t sell yourself short – Value what you bring to the table!
Love Mel x